Something Dr. Harry said to me last month has been on my mind. He said that I need to get to a place where I am okay with whatever happens in my health journey. Last week, I had to admit to myself that I was not there. I believe that this lack of trust in God’s care of me just might at the root of my emotional upheaval. Last Friday, 12.7.2012, I read in Charles Stanley’s devotional, that he surrendered his fears to God as a first step to receiving direction.
I have done this before. I know this principle. Upon reflection, however, I have decided that life is a series of continual surrender; of letting go of that which does not belong to us. We surrender our life to Christ at salvation, but over time, we come to understand that there are lots of mini-surrenders required. The Holy Spirit brings them to our consciousness in His perfect timing.
I last remember a big surrender in 2006 when I let go of my life as I knew it in Harlan. This was extremely hard. I distinctly remember, in a definite act of my will, letting go and letting God write the next chapter, which He did! He laid out a pathway that brought Russ and me to Emporia, a new job, a new house, a new church, and friends.
So Friday, 12.7.2012 I surrendered my fears. These are my contemporaneous notes.
- Today, 12.7.2012, which ironically is Pearl Harbor Day (and my Dad’s personal Pearl Harbor Day – his cancer diagnosis), I surrender my fears to the Living God, who is infinitely more capable than I am to manage my life AND my forever life.
- He knows everything about me. I do not.
- He knows me intimately. He made me. He sees nooks and crannies in my being that I do not.
- He knows my past, present, and future. I do not.
- He knows everything about my friends and family in my life. I do not.
- He is all powerful and can do anything. Anything!! I cannot.
- He knows the right and perfect time for me to live and to die. I do not.
- I SO believe in Heaven and the joy of being in His presence for eternity. What’s scary about that?
- He is big enough to comfort me. I am studying this in Isaiah 40 for heavens sakes!!
- Why am I fearful? Why am I trying to manage my life when I am obviously not as qualified!!!!!
- I think I forgot to apply what I know about surrender to the situation at hand – my health.
- I have surrendered what I thought was my whole life before. Obviously I held out. Or I forgot. But God knows I am human. He loves and cares for me. I belong to Him.
- So I reaffirm what I know and will surrender my fears to Him.
- I will rest in my knowledge that He will transform me from the inside out. He will manage my fears and emotions. He will strengthen my inner spirit to deal with whatever comes my way.
- And like Hannah Whittall Smith has written, it is a real transaction between me and God. He is faithful and will do His part. I do not have to doubt that He will do as He has promised.