I had an epiphany this week and it came via a most unexpected source>>my son, Brett.
Brett and I don’t have the easiest relationship, but we love one another dearly. We were talking through an incident that happened over the weekend in which Brett said that he does not know what to say to me about my cancer. He is fearful that anything he says will upset me. I told him exactly how he can best support me. I need to hear “Mom, you are doing a remarkable job!” Most other words seem critical of how I am choosing to fight.
Truthfully, these words are so uplifting to me. I need someone to acknowledge how difficult it is to get up every day, put my makeup on, and go to work in the face of cancer. I need a cheerleader to acknowledge my efforts to create normalcy in my life and in the lives of those around me. This is a Herculean Job day in and day out. The weight of it is always in the front or back of my mind.
I think it will help Brett to have these words in his hip pocket. Indeed, they are good words for anyone who is facing a challenge.
But to get to my second point>>The Holy Spirit then amplified this incident and applied it to MY relationship with MY mother. My mother is a phenomenal woman who has been deaf most of my adult life. She has faced her challenge with dignity, courage, and grace. The last several years, however, she has gotten increasingly confused. Each time I see her, I find myself in a dance with her>>I suppose, trying to help her see that she is not managing the details of her life. I always leave her feeling guilty and frustrated and sad.
I am resolved to have new compassion for her and to tell her often:“Mother, you are doing a remarkable job!”….because she REALLY is!!! She is 84, living alone, deaf, and confused. She muddles through each day, but from her perspective, I am sure she feels she is doing a great job to do what she does.
I think it will help ME to have these words in MY hip pocket. Indeed, they are good words for anyone who is facing a challenge.