When friends and family ask how I am, they really only want me to answer that I am “fine”. It’s not that they don’t care, but anything less than “fine” is too difficult to process or respond to. And so cancer is a lonely journey. Anne Morrow Lindbergh says this in Gift from the Sea: “We are all, in the last analysis, alone.”
This is my battle. My foe. I alone have to pick the weapons of my warfare. I alone have to make the daily decisions to move forward or to sink into despair. All things considering, I think I am doing remarkably well. I have ups and downs, but I choose to go forward and fight this battle on my terms.
I have locked down my blog because what I think are daily musings about my journey are misunderstood by my family. They just want me to be “fine”, period. So for now, this space is wholly mine to chronicle the journey without having to consider the reaction of any particular audience. I can write without fear of judgment. I can write and not be “fine”.