This week was a fearful week for me. On Wednesday, I had followup screening appointments at KU Med for my thyroid and for my breast. From a psychological standpoint, it was a mistake to schedule so much for one day. I have put my thyroid cancer in the back of my mind the last few years because of the small recurrence statistics. But my new doctor brought all of it back to the forefront of my mind and then suggested that I was anxious!!! Like he thought that was unusual….. He ordered a head/neck ultrasound which I was not expecting.
Then, in the afternoon, I had 3 D mammogram pictures of my breast. It’s unnerving because the technology is so powerful that I knew they would see something. The good news is that the surgical site looked normal!! I have yet to hear about the thyroid ultrasound. My mind has run a gamut of scenarios, mostly bad.
Again this week, I was reminded at how differently I view conventional medicine and my holistic strategies. Conventional medicine only offers me surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation. The same three tools as in the 1930s. Period. That’s the “standard of care” and that’s all insurance companies will pay for. And truthfully, when you dig into the survival statistics published by the Big Business of Cancer, you begin to wonder if they really want a cure. Conversely, alternative medicine offers so many empowering strategies to me. I feel like a partner and not a passive victim.
I struggled so this week to maintain my calm and confidence. That bothered me. The last several years, I have given great thought to my eternity security, to my God, to my forever life. I have also invested much in my holistic strategies and I have confidence in them day-to-day. But this week, I was anxious and fearful. And why is that? I truly don’t think I am afraid to die, but I do have a fear of dying, of losing myself to the ravages of cancer. I believe that nothing shall separate me from the love God; not life with its cares or death with its fear. Jesus keep me now. Moment by moment.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.